Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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