You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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