no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
