You work out of a Hotel?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
