I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
