I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize