So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
