You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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