Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need moral support for this bender
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
