watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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