Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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