Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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