Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
