Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
