i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
