Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
