Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i think i just lost a toe
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
