the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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