Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
