im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
