I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
