the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just invented taco cereal.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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