if i died would you start the facebook group?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
