I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
