I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
