u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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