Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize