i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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