I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
