why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
