You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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