Cold hands, warm shart.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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