so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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