Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
