I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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