I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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