you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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