apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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