If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
