I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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