i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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