Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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