I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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