there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
