I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
