I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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