i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
