Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
