Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
