saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
