Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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