The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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