i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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