so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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