the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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