this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
