here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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