Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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