If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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