we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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