I am puke
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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