Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize