I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
