I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
